I needed to vent on my previous post. Sometimes I think I live too close to the border. I just wish SOMEONE would come up with a humane, responsible solution to our immigration problems.

Onto other things....

I found a quote I like....

Do, or do not. There is no try.- Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

I took the girls to the Zoo this week. We became members because my oldest is ALWAYS asking me to take her to the zoo. As a member, now I can take her more than once per year. Her first choice was to go see the snakes. It's a good thing her Grandma's (any of them) weren't there because they all can't stand snakes. If her Great-Great Grandmother Miller were alive, snakes wouldn't have bothered her one bit. She used to go into her garden & chop the heads off Bull snakes (?) with her garden hoe. She was a true old fashioned Grandma. She was a vanishing breed when I was young. I was very fortunate to have memories of such a kind & gentle woman.

ANYWAY, we saw the snakes, fish & prairie dogs then it was off to the Giraffes. In the same exhibit with Giraffes they have Gazelle, Emu, Crowned Cranes & some others. I can't remember what right now though. After that were the Elephants, Monkey Island & the orangutan. Finally came the water Playground, the gift shop & home. Lunch was in there somewhere too. We saw a small part of the zoo & were inside the zoo for 4 hours. It didn't matter to me, especially being members. She had fun. That was the main thing.

Today we went to Tombstone, Arizona. I hadn't been since I took my friend Shannon since forever ago. Now the main street has been covered in gravel instead of pavement. Much more authentic. We saw a wild west show, had some lunch & saw Boothill Graveyard. Of course we looked in many shops, buying MAINLY postcards for my Postcrossing activities but we had fun doing it. Elizabeth did get to pet a trick horse & posed for pictures with it & it's owner "Dallas Kate". I can't remember the horses name ( I think it was Shiloh) has been voted the top trick horse in the nation for the past 10 years. All of the animals in her shows have been rescued from shelters, horse sales & agencies place abused &/or neglected animals. Her animals will be in an upcoming episode of Animal Stars on Animal Planet. In the show we attended she used two horses, 3 Boston Terriers & a Donkey. It was a lighthearted & entertaining show. Both of the girls seemed to have a ball watching it.

That is about all for now. I am tired & sleepy cause it was a LONG day for me. I am headed to bed.

Goodnight all!

National Anthems should be sang in the language in which they were written!

Excuse me, but WHEN will this $*!# end!!!!!!

First Immigration laws, next marches in several cities, followed by planned nationwide Boycotts! Now you want OUR National Anthem too?!?! Excuse me but WTF!!!! If you don't like the way things are here then go back to your own country! We aren't immigrating to Mexico & then trying to CHANGE your country! UGH!

I am NOT prejudice & I have no problem with people who come here legally & at least TRY to speak English. Even very broken English makes me happy. People from other countries manage to come here through proper channels (& illegally as well I am sure) I don't see OTHER countries immigrants trying to CHANGE the USA. Maybe because I live where I do I am more over-sensitive to these issues. I am getting sick of this crap. I vote. My family pays taxes. My husband works his A$$ off to provide for us. DO WE get any breaks from OUR government. HE!! NO! Did we get FREE medical care when my husband was out of work & I was due with our baby any day? HE!! NO! Did we have to pay through the nose for COBRA insurance & have no idea how were going to pay for it? HE!! YES! We should not have to learn a different language to function in our own country in the future. That is what we will soon be faced with if things don't change. We are in AMERICA people! We speak ENGLISH in AMERICA people! If you don't like it then get the HELL out!

Ahhhhh! I feel a little bit better now. I hope I didn't offend anyone. Don't get in a debate with me because you won't change my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is the article.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spanish 'Star-Spangled Banner' Draws Ire
By LAURA WIDES-MUNOZ (Associated Press Writer)
From Associated PressApril 28, 2006 7:04 AM EDT
MIAMI - British music producer Adam Kidron says that when he came up with the idea of a Spanish-language version of the U.S. national anthem, he saw it as an ode to the millions of immigrants seeking a better life.
But in the week since Kidron announced the song - which features artists such as Wyclef Jean, hip-hop star Pitbull and Puerto Rican singers Carlos Ponce and Olga Tanon - it has been the target of a fierce backlash.
Some Internet bloggers and others are infuriated by the thought of "The Star-Spangled Banner" sung in a language other than English.
"Would the French accept people singing the La Marseillaise in English as a sign of French patriotism? Of course not," said Mark Krikorian, head of the Washington-based Center for Immigration Studies, a think tank that supports tighter immigration controls.
The initial version of "Nuestro Himno," or "Our Anthem," comes out Friday and uses lyrics based closely on the English-language original, said Kidron, who heads the record label Urban Box Office.
Pro-immigration protests are planned around the country for Monday, and the record label is urging Hispanic radio stations nationwide to play the cut at 7 p.m. EDT Friday in a sign of solidarity.
A remix to be released in June will contain several lines in English that condemn U.S. immigration laws. Among them: "These kids have no parents, cause all of these mean laws ... let's not start a war with all these hard workers, they can't help where they were born."
Bryanna Bevens of Hanford, Calif., who writes for the immigration-focused Web magazine Vdare.com, said the remix particularly upset her.
"It's very whiny. If you want to say all those things, by all means, put them on your poster board, but don't put them on the national anthem," she said.
Kidron, a U.S. resident for 16 years, maintains the changes are fitting. After all, he notes, American immigrants borrowed the melody of the "Star Spangled Banner" from an English drinking song.
"There's no attempt to usurp anything. The intent is to communicate," Kidron said. "I wanted to show my thanks to these people who buy my records and listen to the music we release and do the jobs I don't want to do."
Kidron said the song also will be featured on the album "Somos Americanos," which will sell for $10, with $1 going to the National Capital Immigration Coalition, a Washington group.
James Gardner, an associate director of the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History, said Americans have long enjoyed different interpretations of the Star Spangled Banner, including country or gospel arrangements.
"There are a number of renditions that people aren't happy with, but that's part of it - that it means enough for people to try to sing," he said.
Pitbull, whose real name is Armando Perez, said this country was built by immigrants, and "the meaning of the American dream is in that record: struggle, freedom, opportunity, everything they are trying to shut down on us."
---
Associated Press writer Suzette Laboy in Miami contributed to this report.
---
On the Net:
Song history by National Museum of American History:
http://americanhistory.si.edu/ssb/6_thestory/6b_osay/fs6b.html

Senate Panel Recommends Abolishing FEMA

By LARA JAKES JORDAN (Associated Press Writer)
From Associated PressApril 27, 2006 9:46 AM EDT
WASHINGTON - Hurricane Katrina's latest fatality should be FEMA, the nation's disaster response agency, a Senate inquiry concluded in calling for a government overhaul to avoid future failures like those the devastating storm exposed.
Eighty-six recommendations by the bipartisan panel indicate the United States is still woefully unprepared for a storm of Katrina's scope with the start of the hurricane season little more than a month away.
The recommendations conclude that the Federal Emergency Management Agency is crippled beyond repair by years of poor leadership and inadequate funding. They call for a new agency - the National Preparedness and Response Authority - to plan and carry out relief missions for domestic disasters.
Although the proposed changes do not place blame on any official or government agency, Sen. Joe Lieberman, D-Conn., will offer "additional views" to the panel's findings in a statement accusing President Bush of failing "to provide critical leadership when it was most needed."
"The United States was, and is, ill-prepared to respond to a catastrophic event of the magnitude of Hurricane Katrina," said the recommendations. "Catastrophic events are, by their nature, difficult to imagine and to adequately plan for, and the existing plans and training proved inadequate in Katrina."
The recommendations are to be released Thursday and will be included in the Senate panel's full report to be issued next week.
The recommendations, obtained Wednesday by The Associated Press, are the product of a seven-month Senate investigation. The probe follows similar inquiries by the House and White House and comes in an election year in which Democrats have seized on Katrina to attack the Bush administration.
President Bush is to visit Louisiana and Mississippi - which bore the brunt of Katrina's wrath - on Thursday.
Katrina, which struck on Aug. 29, was one of the worst natural disasters in U.S. history. The storm killed more than 1,300 people in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama, left hundreds of thousands of homeless and caused tens of billions of dollars in damage.
The new authority would communicate directly with the president during major crises, and any dramatic cuts to budget or staffing levels would have to be approved by Congress. But it would remain within the Homeland Security Department and would continue receiving resources from the department.
Sen. Susan Collins, R-Maine, who led the inquiry by the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee, said the new authority would be "better equipped with the tools to prepare for and respond to a disaster."
She described FEMA as a "shambles" and said the change "will help ensure that we do not have a repeat of the failures following Hurricane Katrina."
But the proposal drew disdain from Homeland Security and its critics, both sides questioning the need for another bureaucratic shuffling that they said wouldn't accomplish much.
"It's time to stop playing around with the organizational charts and to start focusing on government, at all levels, that are preparing for this storm season," Homeland Security spokesman Russ Knocke said.
Former FEMA Director Michael Brown, who resigned under fire after Katrina, said the new agency would basically have the same mission FEMA had a year ago before its disaster planning responsibilities were taken away to focus solely on responding to calls for help.
"It sounds like they're just re-creating the wheel and making it look like they're calling for change," Brown said. "If indeed that's all they're doing, they owe more than that to the American public."
The House report, issued in February, similarly criticized Bush, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff and Brown for moving too slowly to trigger federal relief. The White House report, which came a week later, took a softer tone and singled out Homeland Security for most of the breakdowns.
Many of the rest of the Senate recommendations were far less dramatic, ranging from creating a Homeland Security Academy to encouraging plans to evacuate and shelter pets during a disaster.
They also called for more funding for disaster planning and response at all levels of government, clarifying levee maintenance responsibilities, and suggested better contracting procedures to avoid waste or fraud in the rush to get aid to disaster victims.
---
On the Net:
Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee: http://hsgac.senate.gov/

DDR, Z-Coils & other stuff

DDR = Dance Dance Revolution....

If you are under the age of 25 & have been to a video arcade in the past 2 years then you have probably played this game. I FINALLY got to play it at Amazing Jake's Pizza Friday night & it can become addiciting. It was SO much fun that my hubby went out & bought the home version for me today. I played on beginner & made it through every round...working up a sweat & burning muscles the entire time. People were porbably thinking "GEEZ! WHat is this fat old cow doing!?!?! WHEN is she going to be DONE already!" I didn't care I was having a blast. I only played one complete game. It's not as if I was pumping more tokens into the game to keep playing. Lizzy was on the pad next to me "playing" too. She was having fun & this way she stayed right next to me. This game is fun, sweaty cardio at it's gaming best.

A couple of weeks ago we went to a home & patio show. I tried on these strage looking shoes with an exposed coil in place of a regular heel. My husband had been trying to get me to try them since I was diagnosed with a heel spur back in 2004. I refused saying they were too expensive, etc, etc, etc. Yes they are costly but I put a couple of pair on & wasn't sold. Yesterday we went to the closest store called Spring Chicks. ALl they sell are Z-Coils. I tried on a pair of the hiking boots & I fell in LOVE with these shoes. It feels like they are molded to my feet. I have no problem with my balance & normally when I am on my feet....within a couple of hours tops my back is aching & I usually will have to sit down. We went to the county fair, walking & standing around for SIX hours & I had no pain. My back, that I've had problems with since my first pregnancy was no problem. My feet were a little sore but not anything that prevented me from walkign around today. That is normally NOT the case. These shoes are heaven for my feet. My husband bought a pair of the work boots & has deceided to return them. When the coils wear out, all I have to replace are the coils....not the entire shoe. I am looking forward to being able to walk & be active again. For me, this was money well spent.

Thank you income tax return!

!Mine are just like these only in brown!

I got to talk to my sister yesterday. We didn't say whole lot but I miss hearing her voice. It was so nice to chat, even if it was pretty much about nothing.

That is about all for now. Until next time, have a great day!

The Little Girl & the Firefighter

*DISCLAIMER* I received this in an e-mail from an Aunt of mine. I in no way would EVER let my children do this to an animal. I must put this here because some people have NO sense of humor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a fire fighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter said with admiratiration.

"Thanks," the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner," the fire fighter said, "I don't want to tell you howto run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think it could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, " You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

I hope you all had a great Easter.

This year Easter Sunday fell on my Husbands birthday. He REALLY didn't want to eat my mom's cooking so he suggested we all go to Rawhide Steakhouse for lunch. He treated us all & Bill to lunch & then we went to a carnival being held at Rawhide as well. It has moved from Scottsdale to the Gila River Indian Reservation. Personally, I liked it BETTER in Scottsdale. The girls sat with the Easter Bunny. My DAD rode a carnival ride with Elizabeth. He wasn't going to until she walked up to him, grabbed his hand & said "Pa Pa, will you ride the Dumbos with me?" He went ahead & rode them with her. I rode Dizzy Dragons (similar to the Tilt-a-whirl) & my hubby rode the Ferris Wheel with her. That left just enough for her to ride one ride alone. We played three games & we were finished. Charlotte even played her first carnival game...the ones that you pick three ducks from the water, turn them over & see what size prize you won. It was nice to spend a holiday NOT at my parents house for a change.

On Satuday, they took the girls to Wildlife World Zoo in Litchfield Park to see the White Alligator. At their house they "painted" (dyed) Easter eggs & drew pictures. The they kept BOTH girls all night long so we could celebrate Bob's birthday. When I asked my Dad how they were for him he replied "They were both little dolls".

It was nice for us because we got to watch a movie in a theatre, do a little shopping & eat TWO meals at restaurants without our little ones. We love them to pieces but it's nice to have a break occasionally. The time alone helped in the Romance department as well. THAT of course makes my DH very happy. I can't complain either.

Charlotte is just a few steps away from walking on her own. She LOVES to push toy her Daddy brought home recently & can't play with it enough. Now when the cats see her comming....they run! LOL!

Elizabeth is learning to write her letters. Next I will work on SPELLING her name & writing it. She has to be able to write her first & last name, know her address & phone number, know her shapes & her colors before she starts Kindergarten! Gone are the days when you could go to school knowing nothing. Oh well, it is just a sign of the times I guess.

I am still getting into Postcrossing & I am enjoying it SO MUCH. I have sent cards to several different states within the US, England, Portugal, Poland, Canada, South Africa, Australia, Germany, France, Iran, Spain, Malayasia, Estonia, Russia, Finland & The Netherlands. I have received cards from nearly all of those same places. It is really cool to open your mailbox & receive a card from someplace else in the world.

Honoring my creative side

In honoring my creative side, I have been making some cards.

Mainly for the handmade Postcard Tags.

This is supposed to represent 3 types of cacti found on the mountain close to my home & the Jackrabbits that run through my yard. It was also made with washable fingerpaints & was for the Handmade Postcard Round Robin tag.

This was for the Love Tag. It was my first stab at using my Scrapbooking supplies in a long time. I wasn't all that happy with it.

I LOVE this card. I made it with washable fingerpaints & permanent marker. It was for the Handmade Postcard Round Robin tag. It reminds me of an old Twilight Zone episode.

This was for the Son of List tag. She wanted to know 5 things I did wrong as a kid & that my parent s never found out about. You can't see it well, but between the exclamations it says !SSSHHH! I wasn't happy with this card, but the recipient actually liked it.

I actually have sent another & forgot to scan it to the computer. I took a picture with the camera phone before I mailed it. As soon as I get it to the computer I will post it here because I like it.

Lets see...since the last time I remember posting about my family this is what has happened.

My MIL has come & gone back home to the midwest. We suffered through SIL musical. I could have enjoyed it more if I wouldn't of had to keep leaving with a fussy infant. That is one of the perils of parenthood.

My husband is nearly finished building the shed. The tarps we wrapped it in with the heavy rains a few weeks backed worked. It still got wet, as the tarps shredded in the high winds, but they kept us from having to junk what we already had built.

The baby is cruising the furniture, saying Ma Ma & suddenly getting ALOT more hair. She still only has two teeth but I think more will be comming in soon.

The older one is excited becuase her Grandma told her that after her surgery, her & Pa Pa will be taking her to see the White Alligator at the zoo. I hope it's sooner than later because I am already tired of hearing about the alligator EVERY SINGLE TIME the commerical for it comes on the TV. UGH! LET IT END ALREADY! LOL!

On to other things..........

My mom is having surgery to remove the lump from her head on Friday. I will no longer be able to call her "Lumpy" Maybe I can call her *Asterick* The Mom formally known as Lumpy! LOL! I amuse myself too much at times.

Speaking if formally know as... I see that Prince....AKA....(Weird unpronouncable symbol)....AKA....the Artist formally known as Prince....formally known as The Artist (whatever order that all went in). Currently is going by his original pop name of Prince. I still like his music but I think he is still strange. "Black Sweat" is the title of his newest song. What is that? Is it differant than White Sweat or Indian Sweat or Japanese Sweat? You get the idea.

My postcrossing activity has been picking up. I now have recieved 5 offical cards from postcrossers, 5 tag cards & 2 thank you cards. The countries have been the USA, Finland, Germany & Great Britian. I have sent cards to Germany, Finland, Portugal, Australia, South Africa, Canada & the United States of America. The women at the Post Office are calling me The Postcard Lady! It is fun to send & recieve these cards.

Self Portrait Tag Card

Okay, This is HUGE for me. A year ago I never would have been comfortable enough to even CREATE this card, ket alone SHARE it with anyone.

This is the list of words I used in my self portrait.

American, Aunt

Bubbly

Christian, conflicted,creative

daughter, daughter-in-law, dedicated, defensive, Divorce, dramatic

female, friend

good hearted

healing, helpful, homemaker, humorous

individaul

jovial

kind

liberal, Libra, loved, lover, loval

Mother

nail biter, non-smoker

obese, obstinate, open minded, oversensitive

passionate, patient, plus sized

quarrelsome

romantic

silly, sister, spirited, survivor, swollen

tmepermental

undersexed

victim, voluptuous

wife, woman

Yankee

Postcards and Paper Cranes

I have another website titled Postcards and Paper Cranes.

I have recently begun Postcrossing. Through that site I get addresses at random from around the world to send post cards to. In return I receive postcards from a different random postcrosser someplace in the world. I have recieved three in the past 10 days. It is pretty neat if you enjoy travel or postcards. At that site I will be posting cards that I have received & what the sender wrote on the backside of the card.

Check it out of you have time.

If I have time to make any of my own postcards, I will post them at Postcards and paper Cranes as well.

Go & have a look! Maybe the Postcrossing bug will bite YOU as well!

!Enjoy!

I had to press my Postcard4Peace

before I could send it. I just sent it out today. Lets see if it reaches its destination.

As for postcards lets talk about Postcrossing.com

I have mailed out 6 cards now. 3 to Finland, 2 to Germany & 1 to Australia. All have been registered as having been received.

On Saturday night I returned home to find my first postcard...from Finland. It is a winter scene of a church & it is beautiful! As soon as I get it scanned I will post it here. Anytime now I should be receiving more cards in the mailbox from anywhere in the world.

On to other subjects.

Severe weather in AZ.

On Saturday morning about 1am our 143 day streak without rain came to an end. The town I USED to live in recieved 4 inches of rain. Where I live now recieved 2 1/2 inches of rain. It may not sound like much, but here in the desert the ground gets SO dry that it can't absorb the rain fast enough. That leads to flash floods. In our case, no flash floods affected us personally. We WERE on the way to visit my MIL & the wipers on the truck stopped working. It wasn't good, as we were on I-10 when this happened! We did get them working long enough to get into Phoenix. The second time they stopped working they didn't start again. Once we got to MIL house DH got the wipers worked back into a down position & applied RainX. IT was still raining cats & dogs 10 hours after we left our house, but the RainX worked so well that even the spray kicked up by semis didn't hinder our view out the front windshield. We stopped to get the mail out of the box & then nearly got stuck in mud once we left to road & drove onto our unlandscaped lot. DH had to put the truck into 4X4 mode to get us to the door. He got out of the truck & laid down a plank of plywood to minimize the mud tracked into the house. Then went back for the girls, handing them off to me at the backdoor. Sunday morning we couldn't leave because the car & truck would have become stuck in the mud & mini lakes all over our property. Today things were dry enough that we can come & go as we please. We still have several mini lakes around the house but nothing that requires a draw bridge to cross any longer.

I made my second postcard today. The first went to Post Secret.

I sent it to:

Postcards 4 Peace
400 East. Fuller Drive
Euless, Tx. 76039
USA

I used the previous quote by Mother Teresa on the front & my very own original Haiku on the back.

Peace the world over
is merely a dream right now.
Join us in this quest.

That is HUGE for me becuase I vowed to nurture my creative side in 2006. It may not be the best Haiku, but it does show that I am finally feeling more confident in myself. The fact that I could share it felt so good. If ot stinks then oh well. I was in a moment of feeling self confident & that marks true progress on my part.

In dealing with my own family....

I really need to remember this.

"Peace and war begin at home. If we truly want peace in the world, let us begin by loving one another in our own families. If we want to spread joy, we need for every family to have joy."

Mother Teresa

Come to the edge

“Come to the edge.”

“We can't. We're afraid.”

“Come to the edge.”

“We can't. We will fall!”

“Come to the edge.”

And they came.

And he pushed them.

And they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire, 1880-1918

French Poet, Philosopher

Are you creative?

I have vowed to let my creative side out in 2006. These are some the ways I plan to accomplish this.

1. Postcards4Peace Create & send at least one postcard to this site.
http://community.livejournal.com/postcards4peace/

You create or mail a postcard with your wishes for peace written on the front. It is not a political or religous site. Just a site inteneded to promote World Peace.

2.Become an active PostCrosser.
http://www.postcrossing.com/about
Membership is free. You submit your information & request up to FIVE addresses of fellow postcrossers. You can purchase post cards or make your own & send them to the addresses you receive. Once the postcard has been registered by the receiver as having been received, you can request more addresses. You recieve cards in the same manner from all over the world. I will share my post crds with you that I get from far away lands!

3.I made & mailed out my one & only secret that NOBODY other than myself knows about. Even if it never gets posted to the website, it felt good just to "tell" someone about it. New secrets are posted each Sunday.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

I made my first paper crane this morning!

I was cruising the net this morning while all others in my home were asleep. I found a site with simple to follow diagrams (simple for me) to make a crane. I will post a picture when I get the digital images downloaded to the computer.

The site is: http://www.sadako.com

When I blew the hole on the bottom to open the body of my crane & put it down I got all happy like a little kid. I heard myself saying “Cool! I DID it! I ACTUALLY made this crane WOW!”

Who would have thought that a bunch of folds on a piece of paper could make me feel so good? LOL!

My oldest daughter really has enjoyed playing with my Paper Crane today.

A Love Hate Relationship

Let me start off by saying this a vent about some members of my immediate family. I love them because they are my family but that does not obligate me to LIKE them or their actions right now.

My family consists of the following:

1. Dad (aka as liar & exaggerator extrodinaire)
2. Mom (original drama queeen & Master Manipulator)
3. Brother 1 (Know it all & general F.I.T.Head pissyface)
4. Brother 2 (Sir Jock & fantastic Father to his only child)
5. Sister 1 (myself the ex-drama queen workiing to change her ways)
6. Sister 2 (intelligent, smart & silent mother of 3 on the East Coast)

For all of the good my family has done for me & how much they have loved me in the past, I love them. This latest bit of drama makes me sick.

ASSUMING this all to be 100% true, it really is sickening to me.

In a nutshell, my parents don't have insurance for my mothers impending operation. Accusations are flying that my Dad & B1 are purposely trying to play on my grandmothers easily confused state of mind & get as much $$$ as they can out of her. Meanwhile, B2 calls & chews out B1 for his actions & most probably being the "ringleader" in this latest financial saga. Then there is S1 (me) who has heard from B2 & Aunt that B1 told them that I called B1 & chewed his ass for his manipulative ways concerneing my Grandmother! I HAVEN'T EVEN SPOKEN TO HIM OF THIS! Yes I am pissed off that B1 has told B2 & Aunt that I chewed his ass on the phone when I didn't even SPEAK to him on the phone or otherwise about ANY of this crap! For the first time in my life I have kept my mouth shut & I am STILL being dragged into this crap & having words & entire conversations put into my mouth that NEVER happened! It doesn't mean that I don't want to say anything about the drama, I do. I have kept my mouth shut only because my daughter is very attatched to her Uncle & her Grandparents & I cannot take those relationships from her. If I said what was truly on my mind about the actions of some, I would effectively sever the ties that my daughter holds so dear. Instead I am standing by the sidelines, keeping my mouth shut & being a sounding board for those family members that need it. Meanwhile, my stomach churns in disgust to even think that what B1 is being accused of, taking advantage of my grandmother's generous nature & her savings that she must live on. Excuse me but WHY IN THE HE!! MUST MY FAMILY ACT LIKE A BUNCH OF SEVENTH GRADE GIRLS RIGHT NOW! The ones I am speaking of are Mom, Dad & B1. NOT included in this are S1 (me), S2 & B2. It is beyond time for those acting like Middle School aged children to grow up, suck it up & support THEMSELVES & STOP living off the hard work & compassion of others. They are financial Vampires & will suck those around them dry!

Enough said & I feel a bit better now.

Thanks

Enough said

Pretty day Photos....FINALLY!

Right now I am dealing with one of my BIGGEST problems in my quest to lose weight....emotional eating. I knew I was doing that last night as I stuffed animal crackers down my throat but I was counting them to. How weird is that? If I had bought any junk food when I did grocery shopping Monday then I would have REALLY done some damage. I was proud of myself & didn't buy any of it. Not even chewing gum! At least I am aware I was eating because I was upset about my mom. I guess if I eat due to emotions today I'll try to steer myself toward the salad in the fridge.

*NOTE* Today makes FOUR days without caffeine OR soda pop consumption! WOO HOO! I've had the headache, stomachache & the even the shakes. Those were all mainly on Wednesday. Thursday I was feeling REALLY sluggish both mentally & physically. Today, I am feeling pretty good so far. As good as I can feel anyway, all things considered. I know in the end that dumping the soda habit will go a long way in my weight loss efforts & I will feel much better. I will have to adopt a new saying when I am tempted to drink it again.

"Soda...it's just not worth it!" I say that because I have kicked this particular habit before, only to drink more of it when I start up again. I know from past experience that I am a person that cannot have even a little bit....or I won't be able to stop when it comes to soda. The sad thing is that I have KNOWN this....for YEARS now. I remember telling my sister that very thing about myself shortly after she graduated from Vet school! She graduated back in 1999! (insert Prince song here)

I managed to gain 4 pounds at Disneyland & Bob gained 5. I started to journal my food & then said "F" it! I am on vacation. I DID wear my pedometer though. We walked ALOT for a couple of chunks that aren't used to walking much.

As for the trip NOT related to eating goes, we had fun. Only one ride we really wanted to go on was closed. Of course it was one Elizabeth remembered from our first trip & wanted to ride as well. The Haunted Mansion was closed. They were undecorating it from Christmas. *sniff sniff*

We rode Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blasters FIVE times at Elizabeths request. I got to ride three rides that I've ALWAYS wanted to but they were closed or the line was 2 hours long to ride them. They were Autotopia, The Matterhorn Bobsleds & It's a Small World. Liz rode Autotopia & the Matterhorn with me. She also rode The Matterhorn with Bobby. Charlotte rode everything EXCEPT Autotopia & The Matterhorn. She was too small to ride both of them. Lizzys fav was Buzz Lightyear. Charlottes was probably Small World. We also filled two autograph books with signatures from characters in three days & had lunch with the Princesses.

Thats about all for now as I need to eat before the baby wakes up again.

My Mother has WHAT? Squamous Cell Carcinoma?

Forgive me in advance if this post gets long winded or rambles. As you read you may understand why my thoughts are a big jumble right now.

I was in Disneyland this past Saturday, looking for my husband on Main Street, as I was hungry & had told him I would be on the street watching the parade when he finished in the gift shop. I look out a door of the shop to see him motioning for me to come over to him. I'm thinking to myself "damm! Charlotte JUST got to sleep & The Parade of Dreams is going to wake her up. This had better be important." He hands me his cell phone telling me call my mom. There's an emergency at home & she won't tell me about it". We both figured that someone had died, as there are several relatives, my father included, that aren't in the best of health. I retreated into the gift shop to call my mother, her voice was a bit panicked. She told me my dad was in California working & my brother was at a friends house so could I come get her & take her to the hospital. I then had to tell her I wasn't in the state & was at Disneyland so I wasn't able to take her. She asked me why I didn't tell her we were going so I just said it was a last minute thing. I didn't want to tell her I thought she was a nosy bitty & it was none of her business, so I told her the last minute thing instead. asking her what was wrong I heard the panick rise in her voice a bit. She tells me that the growth she has on the back of her head, about golf ball size for the past few years, exploded. It's contents were covering the curtian behind her couch, part of her couch, the entire back of her shirt & had saturated TWO bath towels. She was pulling chunks of green stuff about the consistancy of grissle out of her hair & that she could put her finger inside the hole & felt more chunks inside her head. Then she proceeds to tell me that she was thinking about taking a pair of scissiors to her head to see if she could get more out! That is when I was on the verge of losing it completely! I remember telling her "Don't take sicissors to your head! Keep your fingers out of it! Call Bill! Call an ambulance! Mom if I get home to find out that you have made things worse by sticking your fingers in it or cutting it open with scissors, I will tell you everything I feel like saying to you right now & so help me it WON'T be nice!" Keep in mind I am standing near the door of the main gift shop on main street Disneyland at 3pm & am noticing that there is nobody anywhere near me. I can't even imagine what anybody that heard my end of the conversation was thinking to themselves, not that I honestly care much. I talked mom into calling Bill & telling her I would call her when I returned home on Sunday. As soon as I hung up the phone with her I silently fell apart. I stood next to the door & cried the ugly cry silently as I watched my husband outside with our girls watching the parade. I was SO mad at my mom & SO frustrated because I grew up with her maniuplating me & pushing my buttons. I thought to myself "damm her! She did it...AGAIN!" I was feeling helpless & worrying about her at the same time, KNOWING that she would make every excuse to keep from going to the hospital.

After the parade passed & Bobby took Liz to get Tiggers autograph I called my Dad making him promise to make her go to the hospital if she hadn't gone when he got home from Cali. He did. Less than an hour later he left a voicemail assuring me that Bill was making her go to the hospital & he would call me if it was anything I needed to come home for immediately. That night I hardly slept & when I did had nightmares of my mothers entire head exploding all over her livingroom.

After we finished our visit with Bobs Grandma Marie, I called Dad to get the scoop. That is when I heard it! The news that kids don't ever want to hear. Not death, but the OTHER medical news no child wants to hear. The Emergency Room doctors told mom that it looks like she has cancer. CANCER! WTF! Dad was very clam & matter of fact about it all. Telling me it looks like Squamous Cell Carcinoma, which is a type of skin cancer. He said it is a very aggressive cancer & the survival rate is only about 15% for 12 to 18 months. As I hear this I begin to tear up & try to keep my voice from wavering so my Daddy couldn't hear it. It is a cancer that attacks soft tissue so it being on the back of her head is the best possible location for it to be in. I didn't comprehend everything he said, but I do remember him saying this cancer has a tendency to send off feelers & there is concern about it heading for moms spinal cord. It was shortly after that I told him I needed to go & take care of the baby. The baby was fine, I just knew I wouldn't be able to hold my composure, or what was left of it, much longer. I cried silent tears, so I wouldn't alarm my oldest & told my DH the news. It hit a cord with him because his step father passed suffering from Cancer & Valley Fever. It probably took an hour before I called my Grandmother Gaskins (my Moms mom) to see how she was doing, then my sister, then my mother. I've had crying jags since Sunday & I am having one right now. From doing a little research on the net, I know it is curable. The Dr.s are hoping that it is encapsulated & that a core surgery will get it all. It will be two weeks before the test results from Pathology will reach the surgeon. Once they do, Mom was told she will have to very dilligent to get the follow up appointments & surgery scheduled. Whether it is cancer or not, the Dr seems to think it probably was, the rest of that substance will have to be removed. There is no way to avoid it.

My parents & brother went to the bookstore to take a nutritional approach to beating this cancer. Mom says it feels better than sitting there & doing nothing. Working is difficult for her concentrate on, but it helps. She was supposed to watch the girls for a few hours this Saturday so Bobby & I could go out. I told her if she didn't feel up to it, she didn't have to. She said that she wants to see the girls & is looking forward to it. She said that waiting for the results is very difficult & that she is scared but is determined to beat this.

She has to be terrified. I know I am scared & it's not even in my body! I don't know how mom, the family or myself will feel once she gets the results back. All I know is that the family will have to come together to give each other lots of support. In all honestly, I no longer know if this family is capable of doing that. It is sad, but it is also my honest opinion.

Part of me can't help but take the view of "Mom, if you would have had this lump checked into & removed 15 years ago like us kids were telling you too, maybe this cancer wouldn't have grown on your head. Your head or anywhere for that matter!" Part of me is terrified that it will be too late & the cancer will have already spread. Part of me is scared to see my mom go through this at all. Most of me is scared of lsoing my mom before I'm ready & to have all six of her living grandchildren grow up without their Grandma Tompkins.

As much as my mother drives me crazy & pushes my buttons, she is still my mom & I'm not ready to let her go. We don't have a diagnosis yet. If it si cancer, hopefully it will be treatable, localized & will go away with one surgery.

I will post about the Disney trip when I'm in a better frame of mind to do so.