Big news

Wow! My big news is that I'm pregnant with child number two. I had been feeling all around crappy. You know, exhausted, nothing was sitting well in my stomach, lots of headaches & I SWORE my breasts were getting larger. At first I thought I was just gaing weight again, then the peeing in the middle of night came along with my bras getting tighter. I finally said "F-it! I'm taking te EPT in the med cabinet" As soon as the urine hit where the second line was to appear, it did. It was a very dark pair of lines so there was no doubt in my mind I was pregnant. I PERSONALLY don't have a prefrence, but for my husband's sake, I hope this one is a boy. He is the only child of his deceased biological father, so his dad's direct bloodline will end with him unless he has the boy he's wanted for so long. According to the due date calculator at IVillage.com, the baby is due on July 27th, 2005. I have an appointment on December 6th, so we shall see how close it is to the one the Dr. gives me. I will resume my yoga exercises this week . This pregnancy was a little something extra to be thankful for this year, as we found out on Thanksgiving Eve. My father in law's birthday was Nov 27th. He would have been 63 years old. He passed on July 4th, 2001. Just 2 weeks before we knew we were expecting our first child. It would have been his first Grandchild. We will likely be the only ones that would have ever givin him grandchildren becuase his oldest daughter died years ago, his son nobody seems to know anything about, his daughter is now in her late 20's has never had a boyfriend is a virgin & has no interest in pursuing a relationship...or so it seems. These were all half-siblings for my DH. DH's step dad raised & treated him as if DH were his own son. DH's biological father died when he was only 8 years old. I think that is why he takes care of my parents the same way that I do. He knows just how important our parents are in our lives. I've always known. He is just the first man I've known in a long time that also knows this & treats parents in the way the should be treated. I think he values the closeness of his relationship with my parents as much as I do. He really has been a blessing (most of the time...LOL) in my life. I'm honored to have him as my husband & the father of our soon to be two children.

Take time to listen to your familes stories, pick up the phone & talk to your family & to say I LOVE YOU to you family every chance you get. You never know when the time you say it, will be your last oppertunity to do so. I call my grandparents nearly every weekend & my Grandparents love to hear from me. Even if it seems that I have nothing signifcant to say. Of my three sibilings, I am the only one that calls &/or writes on a regular basis. I know it means so much to them, & to me as well.


Mary

We all have an Inner Bitch

Today on Starting Over, Iyanla said that we all have an inner bitch. She stands up for us when we cannot stand up for ourselves. Sometimes, we just need to whack her. My inner bitch will call people on their lies when it's warranted, help me be tough when inside I'm crumbeling & let me walk away when I've had enough & I when believe someone I love to be a toxin in my life. She fought back against the boy in high school that tried to date rape me. She kept me thinking with a cool head when someone tried to snatch me & put me in their van in 1986. She stood up to the protesters when they surrounded me & tried to prevent me from getting an abortion. She stood up my sisters ex-fiancee when he threatened to call the police for theft when she deceided to move out. She told him that my sister purchased everything in their apartment & that if need be, my sister could prove each purchase with cancelled checks that list each purchase in the memo section. She stood up to the manager that was sexually harrasing me at Mc Donalds. She called my dad on his 2nd affair when he lied to my face about it. She stood up to my ex-husband when he was toying with my feelings & stringing me on. She froze the business bank account when my ex kept bouncing checks, causing him to suddenly "fix" his spending habits. She made him file for divorce by telling him he had two choices...to either file for divorce himself & I'd take what I brought into the relationship & the wedding gifts from my family, or I'd file for divorce, he'd pay for my lawyer, & I'd sell the business, tools & contracts off piece by piece because he wasn't able to make the decesion about getting counseling &/or getting a divorce. She pushed me to find affordable counseling for myself during this process, therefore giving me the tools to be strong enough to stand up to him & deal with all the fallout of those years. She allowed me to heal enough to deal with the pain of some decesions I've made in my past. She gave me the confidence to give birth to my daughter without any pain medication. I guess I owe my inner bitch a lot. When I didn't listen to her is when I made bad decesions & allowed men unworthy of my love into my life. So, thank you to my nameless inner bitch. She has saved my life.

Happy Halloween & drama within the family

It's been awhile since I last posted my thoughts. (Like anyone REALLY reads THIS boring blog) LOL! Happy Halloween or like my Wiccan brother calls it Samhain. (Not being Wiccan I HOPE I spelled it correctly) My dear daughter is going as a little devil. At her age it's MORE than an appropriate costume at times. ~wink~ I finished sewing it up last night & she tried it on, horns & all. She looked in the mirror, gets this HUGE smile on her face & says "I pretty Mommy!" & then says "Mommy! You MADE it!". This is the first article of clothing I've made for her & the first sewing I've done in several years. Now I know what my own mother must felt like when I came home & told her how the kids at school liked the shirt (or whatever I was wearing that day) that she'd made for me. No WONDER she loved sewing for us kids.

Drama within the family is driving me nuts! Recently I guess there was a get together of my in-laws....DH & I weren't invited. (no big deal, as we don't talk to these people more than once or twice per year) They call us when they want us to come to a party or if they want DH to fix their air conditioner. Well, my DH's Aunt called my MIL & told her they were saying some pretty nasty things about DH &/or I. I TRULY don't understand this. I did nothing but support one of them during a difficult decesion & DID NOT judge her. It's no seceret that I don't get along well with my SIL due to some things that happened a couple of years ago. I make an effort to be nice & not to exclude her from DD life. The ONLY thing I can think of that would make them WANT to talk bad about us is that they are jealous. YES! JEALOUS! WHY?

Well, we've made changes in our lifestyle in order to allow ME to be a SAHM.

We had our child AFTER we got married.

We recently purchased a small but nice home.

We also purchased a brand new car because we were having TOO many problems with the used one (it was becomming unsafe to drive).

Add to that, we just returned from San Diego last weekend after taking our DD to Sea World & Disneyland. ALL OF THIS doesn't just COME to us. We have sacraficed, made HUGE changes in our lifestyle & scrimped & saved in order to do these things. I guess immature, selfish, spoiled brats with children just wouldn't understand that...would they. I have been pushing DH into a relationship with some of these people & he has been telling me since we began dating that most of them are troublemakers.

My family wasn't like this, so I've always had the outlook of "It's the only family you have. You can't just cut them out of your life". Well, after this, I'm done. I have a decent relationship with my MIL & I'll keep working on the SIL out of respect for my MIL & DH.

With everything going on in the world & all of it's problems, WHY do people have to be so DAMM petty! It really ticks me off sometimes. Well, I have to get ready for trick or treating tonight, as well as get DD bathed, dressed & hair done. Until next time....keep smiling!

Dr appointment, heel spur? & stinkin thinkin

I went to the Dr about my heel pain & weight issues. Until Saturday when dh & I took DD to Schnep farms for the Pumpkins & Chilli Party I was walking an average of 1 to 2 miles per day. I had NO heel pain until I changed the brand of shoes I wear. Within 3 months, the pain began. I went back to my original brand of shoe, but the spur had taken hold & he pain continued to get worse. It is now so bad that I cannot walk on it for more than 2 or 3 hours. Pre FLYlady, I would have suffered until I could no longer walk on it at all I'm going in for x-rays on my heel on October 25th. DH has to go with me to watch DD while I get x-rays. Then on November 3rd, my Dr. ordered a Part 1 Physical, which includes an ECG. I expressed concerns about my wreck of a diet & eating habits, I can't lose weight & keep it off & the history of heart disease & diabetes in my family. He made many recommendations & one was to follow a low-carb diet....but NOT Atkins. He also said that any diet that makes you eliminate entire food groups would not be good either. I already KNEW that but he has to C.H.A. like any Dr. My stinkin thinkin was telling me "You did this to yourself because you waited too long to lose the weight" Then FLYlady's voice came into my head & said "You've been making changes in your diet & exercise habits for about a year & you've tried WW & slim fast & a few other things. YOU finally LOVED YOURSELF enough to ask for help & guidance from your DR. You CAN lose this weight 1 pound at a time & I'm proud of you". PreFLYlady, I would have given in to my ST & ate an entire bag of chips & felt guilty & sorry for myself. I know that I sing FLYladies praises often, but I can't help it. She's given me the tools & permission to "put myself on the list" & I've seen great improvements in my life as a result. Granted, I still have a LONG way to go...but with FLYlady's guidance, support from fellow FLY Babies & friends, as well as routines & hard work...I can reach my goals. Even if it's one baby step, 1 pound, 1 meal or 15 minutes at a time.

ZONE 5, my brother as guest speaker & stuff

We are FLYing in ZONE 5 this week. ZONE 5 is improving slowly & this week we're only there for 4 days. I've gone from the entire room being a hotspot to the coffee table, the bookcase & the catch-all between the LR & the kitchen. Each week we're in ZONE 5, I declutter a few more of DD's toys. They are almost down to a managable level. I need to declutter the bedroom of some more of her toys, but that will be comming in a few short weeks. I was trying winter clothes on DD today & most of them fit from last year. I bought 2 T's instead of 18 months because the 2 T's weren't so big they were sloppy. Living where we do, we don't have much of a winter season, so I hate to spend the $$$ on "winter" clothes. Last year she wore shorts & t-shirts for several weeks in JAN & FEB because it was so flippin hot! Today I walked for a total of 46 minutes & 2.609 miles (according to my pedometer). It was over 5000 steps. Now I need to find another enjoyable activity to add to my exercise program. Preferably something I can do while DD is asleep.

No new entries for a few days...

I've been on-line preparing or a trip to San Diego with my family. This will be the first vacation DH, DD & I have taken that doesn't result in going to see any of our family members. We COULD have gone to IL or TX but DH said he needed a FAMILY vacation that he could just relax. SInce we've never been to SD together, we picked SD for our 1st "just us" family vacation ever. We are certian that Sea World will be one day. Balboa Park & Mission Bay Beach will probably be included on 2 other days. We used Expedia.com to find a smokin' rate on a nice room. We then called the hotel 800 # & asked if they could match it....they could only come within $5 of matching it. I told her thanks, but we'd go ahead & book with Expedia. You may be saying "It's only $5", but we are staying for 4 nights. This is our first experience with Expedia so we will see how it goes at the check-in counter. My friend Barbie (yes it's her REAL name) goes to SD yearly & said that $85 per night for a 2 room "suite" is cheap. Since our goal was to keep lodging under $100 per night, we came in at $385.68....according to Expedia. That includes daily Continental breakfast. I've had Continental breakfast before & know it's no big deal. Because DH, DD & I are NOT big breakfast eaters, it is perfect for us. That equals AT LEAST another $20 saved per day. There are refridgerators & microwaves in each room. That is nice to have & we used the one we had while staying in Mexico quite a bit. Since we will probably be back at the room fairly early, due to our 2 1/2 yr old daughter, I'm sure the fridge & microwave WILL be used. ** I only caught part of Starting Over yesterday. I had too many things to do. **I'm not 100% sure of who I'll be voting for in November. To be completely honest, I don't care for BUSH or KERRY. I am among the "undeceided" that the parties are fighting over. Hey, I LIKE that! It's been a long time since I've had 2 men fighting over me! (LOL) I can say that I'm leaning toward KERRY right now. I WISH we had a strong 3rd party that was a truer representation of middle class America. The only problem is that it costs $$$ to run for President & middle America doesn't have that kind of $$$. I like what KERRY has say in several issues that are important to me. The real question is "Can KERRY deliver on his promises if he were in the Oval Office". I would probably be classified as one of the New World Order's sheepeople. I've been blissfully ignorant of the truth. I have no idea WHO to believe. Do I believe certian websites that I frequent, favor the right or the left. Personally, I'm thinking that the truth lies somewhere between the three. I DON'T agree that we should have a draft, I DON'T think we should lose anymore of rights or freedoms & I DON'T agree with amensty for illegal aliens...working or not. I DO believe that we need some form of socialized medicine program, I DO believe that our education system is a complete joke & I DO believe that we need to regain crediability within the world community. ** FLYlady's zone is the master Bedroom this week. I found an on-line Yahoo group for FLYbabies & FLYladies in my local area. The members seem pretty nice & not at all "catty" like some other boards I've tried in the past. Sorry but I'm just too damm old for "catty", petty, grade school bu!!shit. Unless you'e on a debate board, it's not a place to "flame" someone for expressing their opinions. **

Another FLYing post....

**I MISSED Starting Over today (sniff sniff) Oh well, I did see it yesterday & Towanda Braxton (Toni's sister) is in the SO House. I'll catch the show Monday.**

~~My DH announced that he'd like to go to San Diego in October for 3 or 4 nights. Since i haven't been in about 10 years, I would enjoy it also. He just wants us to take a family vacation that doesn't involve visiting any family members for a change. Since we've NEVER been on one of those, I am ALL for it. The only definate is that we WILL be going to Sea World & NOT the zoo. We will also probably spend one day at the beach. It will be a nice little get away. After the year we've had with family health issues & strained family member relationships...we need the break. We haven't had problems within our marriage, but because we are close to our family members...it has caused some stress. ~~

**DH is on his way home, DD has deceided it's necessary to run around the house naked & she has a habit of peeing on the carpet when she is naked. We are potty training so I expected some of that behavior. **

~~I'll write again soon.~~

**Today on Starting Over Josie DID reveal who Chloe's father is & it's NOT Jonathan. She said Jonathan tries to call & leaves messages for her & she pretty much doesn't return them. !!! GOOD FOR HER !!!**

~~My little girl refused to sleep last night so at 2 am we were finishing cleaning the bathroom. While I was in the shower waxing & buffing it, DD grabbed the broom & began sweeping the floor. Then I gave her a towel & she "cleaned" the bathroom door for me. Since she's only 2 1/2 I don't know how clean it actually got, but she had fun helping mommy. She FINALLY went to sleep about 3:30am.~~ **This afternoon, I boogied & organized the coat closet. Living in the desert SW, we don't have many coats. Now I can find EVERYTHING that is in there with ease. It's a multi-purpose closet that is NOW a functional organized one. It only took me about an hour. I was expecting it to take nearly two hours.**
~~I neglected to shine my sink & things today, but tommorrow I'll be refreshed because I will of had some sleep & I'll be able to get back to my routines. Routines are the keys to making FLY Lady's system work. ~~
** I was conversing via IM with my mother & she told me something interesting & surprising about my Grandmother. When she hits her goal weight, she wants to either take a Mule trip to the bottom of the Grand Canyon OR she wants to take a rafting trip at the bottom of the Canyon. My mother DID finally tell me that Grandmother wants to take one that doesn't have any whitewater. She said it's something my Grandmother has wanted to do her entire life. Grandmother turned 82 in July. She has had a heart mumur (born with it) & has been a big girl most of her life. In the past few years she has had an artifical heart valve put in, a pace maker & replaced both of her knees. Since January of 2003 she has lost 75+ pounds with Weight Watchers. She still has about 40 pounds to go to reach her ideal goal weight. She walks daily with her little ankle biter dog named Cindy. If the weather is bad, she walks inside of her small 2 bedroom home. She has worked very hard & I'm VERY proud of her.**
~~My brother had an interview to teach at a local community college. The interviewer took 3 pages of notes & seemed VERY interested by my brother. I know that he REALLY wants this job. It's the first thing I've heard him excited about since the death of his infant son & his wife about 1 year later. He almost sounded like the brother I once knew. The one that was full of hope, life & energy. In the past 2 years he has gotten married, buried his first & only child, moved from the midwest to the southwest away from his best friend & god children, lost his job & had everything he's ever owned burn up in a fire in his friends garage in the midwest. The only things he has are what he brought in his car when he moved & what he's acquired since he moved out here. He moved out here to be close to his niece (my DD) & his nephew (my brother). He's been through SO much that he deserves a little happiness & a sense of pride in what he does. Pray for him please.~~

FLY Lady, the bathroom & Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court decesion

First thing is first. The Supreme Court has tossed a case to overturn Roe v. Wade

Here's the link:http://www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/09/14/roe.v.wade/index.html

Okay, on Starting Over today, JOSIE didn't reveal WHO Chloe's father is! The preview of tommorows show makes it sound as if she'll do that then. URRGH! I WANT TO KNOW! I don't sit around & watch TV all day, just this one show. It can be very inspiring for people to improve their lives. For me, it's helped inspire me to begin healing the pain of things in my past. Funny thing, the VERY day I found this on-line support group (which I'd told NOBODY about) I get an e-mail from an old co-worker/friend (Dick...this IS his name btw) titled "25 ways to say I LOVE YOU" It was pretty funny & really lifted my spirits.

As for FLYLady & this weeks zone...I have yet to look at my e-mail & it's 9:13 pm as I write. I underestimated how long it would take to rid the shower of soap scum & hard water build-up last night. I did get THAT done last night, but then today I spent an hour waxing my shower. It was the first time I've ever waxed a shower so I had NO idea how long it would take. BTW...did YOU know that you can wash a shower curtian liner in the washing machine? That made the white build up vanish! The reward of a clean, sparleking shower & tub felt great. For the first time in years, I actually ENJOYED taking a shower. It was a very relaxing experience. DH noticed when he went to shower tonight & said "GEE! What happened here? This looks REALLY nice". That just made the reward more sweet. I guess a clean shower really does say "I love you". I also decluttered the bath cabinets & tossed an entire trash bag FULL of half used cleaning products, old make-up & misc. "stuff" that I had no idea WHAT it's use was. All of DH's "read" bathroom reading material found a new home as well. My DD (age 2) even wiped down the bathroom door for me. She's such a little helper sometimes. :-)

The next task is to tackle the "guest" bathroom, or should I say "junk" room. There are things in there that I don't even know HOW they got there! For example, WHY in HOLY H5!! is there a foam mattress in there that I asked DH to dispose of MONTHS ago. Granted, I SHOULD have taken it to the dumpster myself, but I was always overwhelmed with everything else that needed to get done. The reward for me will be this weekend when I get to paint & begin to decorate that bathroom. What I've heard from many sources is in fact true..."You CAN'T organize clutter". My home is by no means a health hazard...it's not 1/3 as bad as many of the homes shown on TLC's Clean Sweep. The fact of the matter is that I can see that my home is headed that way in the future if I don't change things now. Just like I'm headed for a heart attack or worse if I don't begin to convert to a healthier lifestyle now. Last month I lost 3 pounds & haven't lost anymore this month. I also haven't gained any weight. I'm doing something right though because my pants are fitting looser. It know it probably means that I am exchanging fat for muscle. I also know that muscle is more dense than fat & that muscle weighs more than fat. In addition, the more lean muscle mass you have, the more efficently you burn stored fat. When I remember these things, then I no longer get discouraged & go on an eating binge. Slowly, the junk food is dissappearing from my home. Once again I hear FLYLadys voice saying "Baby steps Mary, take those baby steps". I'm beginning to think I'm becomming FLYwashed. LOL My fellow FLY Babies will know what I'm talking about.

FLYLady today & other stuff

While I was waiting for DD to go to sleep last "night" (3 am), I worked on my control journal. Because my home had fallen into such a state of complete CHAOS, I pulled things from my daily routine & combined them with this weeks zone work. I made a list by day of what I want to acomplish. WHY? This way, all I have to do is look at one page instead of flipping back & forth...allowing my SHEness to rear it's ugly head. I have managed to get 1/2 of my list completed so far. The rest I'll tackel after I've completed this entry. I was proud of myself today because I was getting sidetracked like MAD this morning, but then I heard FLYLady's "voice" saying "Baby Steps my friend, Baby Steps". She was also telling me "You can do ANYTHING for 15 minutes". It sounds strange to those that aren't SHE's, but to those that ARE...they understand. I got Mt. Washmore under control this weekend...in one day instead of three like PF (Pre Flylady). My sink is shining, my countertops in the kitchen are sparkeling & my chef is "Le Crock Pot". My dishwasher isn't empty, as I'm cheating until things are more under control, the dishes are loaded & the Electrasol tab is in place. All I have to do is turn the dishwasher on after dinner tonight. Then the only dishes I have left to do before I turn on the dishwasher is what we ate & drank from. I even have a clean towel on my clean countertop...waiting to be used. This weekend, I picked up Turtle Wax to wax my shower for the first time. I'll do a heavy cleaning on it to remove any unseen soap scum & hard water buildup, then I'll wax it to my hearts content. Since I've been FLYing, my shower has stayed pretty clean. That is an acomplishment since DH comes home from work greasy everynight. After DH gets home, I'll be blessing my heart. I'm looking forward to it. My 50 pound dog looks forward to time with his human "mom" on our walks.

Did anyone watch Starting Over today? Isn't Josie's little Chloe the sweetest little girl? I'm a bit biased but I believe MY daughter is the sweestest little girl on the planet...like many OTHER mothers believe THEIR children to be. LOL Tomorrow we get to find out if Jonathan is the father or not. HUMMM....sorry but if she hasn't ALREADY dumped him...I think he needs to GO! Unless he's sought some serious counseling for his control issues with Josie. My EX-HUB was similar to him & I often say that the best thing he ever did for me, was to get seperated from me. It made ME see HIM for what he REALLY was & ME to really KNOW what I needed from a marriage. He just didn't fit the bill. The bill being honest, faithful, supportive, & remembering that I was a person with feelings & thoughts...not just a sperm receptical. My DH #2 is all these things & more. He's my best friend.

I recently have begun dealing with the pain of some decesions I made earlier in my life. Part of that is loving myself enough to do so. Part of that is finding an on-line support system that allows me to do that at my own pace, in my own way & with support of those dealing with many of the same issues. To the creator of that place...thank you. Thank you a thousand times over. I truly believe that I found both that place & FLYLady at the time in my life when I was ready to receive the support & guidance I needed. My life is far from perfect, but hey...it's already much better than it used to be.

My sister is in the ARMY & is a Vetrenarian. She just returned to her family after 2 long months of being apart from them. The ARMY required that to further her "training". She did return home just in time to begin celebrating Samuels 6th birthday, Issac's 4th birthday & Rebecca's 1st birthday. All three of them were born in the month of September. She missed them & her DH so much while she was away. I could just hear it in her voice when we spoke of them. I'm just glad that she's stateside during these troubled & turbulant times. I pray nightly for all of the servicemen & women from all the countries with troops in Afghanistan & Iraq to be safe. This isn't a place that I'll state my opinion on the US involvement over there, as I don't discuss that with anyone other than my DH, but I DO keep all of the soldiers & their loved ones in my prayers.

Why my site is named Purple Puddles

My site is named Purple Puddles because I am learning to FLY. Some of you are saying "What in the heck is she talking about?" I am a member of FLYlady.net It is a system available online for FREE that teaches people how to conquer the CHAOS in their home. When FLYlady is truly touched by a testomonial or by something in life, she cries "Purple Puddles". I've only been a FLYbaby for a few months but have noticed improvements already. If you'd like to find out more about FLYladys system, please checkout her website.

Now, this is my very first attempt at blogging so I'll be learning as I go. Please forgive any "mistakes" I make along the way.

It's REALLY early in the AM & DD is FINALLY asleep. I have to shine my sink bright & early so I need to get some shut eye.

Mary