November 01, 2004

We all have an Inner Bitch

Today on Starting Over, Iyanla said that we all have an inner bitch. She stands up for us when we cannot stand up for ourselves. Sometimes, we just need to whack her. My inner bitch will call people on their lies when it's warranted, help me be tough when inside I'm crumbeling & let me walk away when I've had enough & I when believe someone I love to be a toxin in my life. She fought back against the boy in high school that tried to date rape me. She kept me thinking with a cool head when someone tried to snatch me & put me in their van in 1986. She stood up to the protesters when they surrounded me & tried to prevent me from getting an abortion. She stood up my sisters ex-fiancee when he threatened to call the police for theft when she deceided to move out. She told him that my sister purchased everything in their apartment & that if need be, my sister could prove each purchase with cancelled checks that list each purchase in the memo section. She stood up to the manager that was sexually harrasing me at Mc Donalds. She called my dad on his 2nd affair when he lied to my face about it. She stood up to my ex-husband when he was toying with my feelings & stringing me on. She froze the business bank account when my ex kept bouncing checks, causing him to suddenly "fix" his spending habits. She made him file for divorce by telling him he had two choices...to either file for divorce himself & I'd take what I brought into the relationship & the wedding gifts from my family, or I'd file for divorce, he'd pay for my lawyer, & I'd sell the business, tools & contracts off piece by piece because he wasn't able to make the decesion about getting counseling &/or getting a divorce. She pushed me to find affordable counseling for myself during this process, therefore giving me the tools to be strong enough to stand up to him & deal with all the fallout of those years. She allowed me to heal enough to deal with the pain of some decesions I've made in my past. She gave me the confidence to give birth to my daughter without any pain medication. I guess I owe my inner bitch a lot. When I didn't listen to her is when I made bad decesions & allowed men unworthy of my love into my life. So, thank you to my nameless inner bitch. She has saved my life.

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